Tears Won't Heal Death
by Seventh Sage
Summary: Now that you lie there dying, I can say that I'm sorry... I can say that I never understood you... I can say that I wished it were different. Farewell... Deathfic. Slight Shounenai, ZelosLloyd.


Well… It was only a matter of fact before I started writing fics for Tales of Symphonia. It _is_, after all, "only" the bestest game I've ever played. Anyway, I have finally beaten it. Yippee, hurray, and other various happy sounds.

Disclaimer: Tales of Symphonia does not belong to me. –wistful look– Oh, would that it did…

ou most likely won't know

Warning: Lotsa spoilers. Lotsa lotsa… Er, rather, it's mostly personal thoughts about a certain event rather late in the game, and y what the heck I'm talking about unless you've actually passed that event already. Sooooo, yeah. I'd suggest you not read unless you're… past the next main storyline event after the Flanoir Doctor thing. Basically, if you can tell who's dying, you're safe. Oh… and this little ficlet contains a liiiiiiiiittle bit of shounen-ai, of the Zelos/Lloyd nature.

Oh, and Lloyd's the narrator. I guess this isn't exactly the type of language he'd use, but… Ah well. And also, as you can probably tell, this isn't the actual game script. Only one little bit of it is…

Anyway, on to the fic!

Alrighty… Little added note after seeing reviews…

As Genis Irving pointed out, THIS IS A DEATH-FIC! I didn't think of it as one before, since it happens naturally in the game, but I guess it _is_ one.

Also… Yes, I know Zelos doesn't have to die. But I chose Kratos… And I think it's more interesting this way, even if it DOES make me sad. And I think _this_ is Zelos's true nature…

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Tears Won't Heal Death

"Nngh…"

It wasn't until then that I realized what had happened. How foolish I was, that I didn't see the wound until you fell, clutching the spreading crimson stain that just wouldn't stop!

"Go… save Colette…" The words you gasped out weren't for your own benefit. Of course they wouldn't be. You… Sheena was right about you. Deep down, you were a good person; one that I should have given ever so much more trust.

"Zelos…" I hushed you, though knowing it would do no good. "Zelos, don't speak. Save your energy. D-don't die!"

"Heh…" I don't think there ever existed anything more heartbreakingly sad than that soft, dry laugh. It seemed to mock everything, mock life itself. "D-don't die… indeed… You always ask so much of me, Lloyd…"

"Zelos!" Was there anything I _could_ do? How helpless I felt. Here I was, proclaiming that I would save the world, yet… how many had died on behalf of me? Would the loss of a dear friend, through neglect and blindness, add yet another to my list of sins?

"Don't waste your breath on me, Lloyd…" Your eyes were closed against what must have been tears, and a weak, twisted smile flitted upon your lips. "It's pointless. Everything is… This is… what I must do. L-let me die… Leave this… sad, sad life… Then, maybe… Seles can… leave that abbey… happy… No more lies…"

"Is that why you…" I could not believe my ears. This didn't sound like the Zelos we knew. But this… is the _real_ one…

"Nah…" Your soft smile rent my heart. "That's just a bonus." But it wasn't, was it? It was… the whole purpose behind this death.

"Don't die… Don't die…"

Even as I spoke, I knew it meant nothing, could change nothing. I could not say the words I really wanted to say, and even if I could… It was too late now, wasn't it?

_I trust you, Zelos…You were one of my closest friends, my most dear companions._ Why haven't I said that before? Why haven't I told you before it came to this?

_I love you, Zelos!_ I didn't know if it was true or not, and I cared even less. Anything, anything, just to keep you alive! Maybe I did love you, at this moment. Maybe I loved you… always…

"I really did trust you…" My voice was soft, so soft that no one else could hear. My words were meant for your ears, a last offering to appease this anguish in your eyes.

"I know…"

"And I really did love you…"

Surprise was evident in your expression, albeit flashing by for only a brief moment, but your words were the same. "I know…"

"Good-bye, Zelos…" I didn't want to say that. I wanted to scream and wail and cry. _Don't go, Zelos! You have so much life in front of you. So much hope… Stay… Stay with me…_

I didn't want to cause you any more pain. This time, I would hide the tears. This time, I would bear the suffering. You would finally be able to rest easy in the peace you, for so long, deserved.

You closed your eyes again. This time, they did not open.

…They would never again see…

Tears trailed down my cheeks, have been falling for quite some time. I just noticed them now. They could do nothing. They could not heal death, could only beg for the mending of a broken heart.

I turned away; from you, from everyone else. They would not understand, and you… For you, I know not what to feel.

You betrayed us, Zelos. You told me that you hated your life as the Chosen, that people always loved you because of your title and not your person. You told me that being the Chosen of Tethe'alla had turned your life into a joke.

Yet, you betrayed the only ones who had ever seen past that title.

But it was so much more than that, wasn't it? Even if we cared for Zelos Wilder, the fiery-haired young flirt, others would turn their gaze only to Zelos Wilder, the Chosen. You wanted that gone from your life.

Did you really think Mithos was going to let go of his greatest spy?

You were not with us in Palmacosta. You did not know how Dorr was held in the same thrall, by a promise just as impossible. Or maybe you _did_ understand that Mithos dangled his promise in front of your nose like the carrot before a workhorse, so close, yet never achievable. Maybe that was why… you sought the final release.

Maybe you understood even more. Maybe you knew that, even had Mithos kept his promise, your life could not go on as normal. For your whole life up to this point, you were surrounded by admirers, loving them even as you despised them.

…You could not live without them.

And still I ask… Could we not have done something for you? Could we not have changed it? If I had said those words earlier, if I had held you and comforted you… could you not have stayed?

And still I cry those tears… Over lost friends, lost loves.

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Dedicated to… the "idiot Chosen" of Tethe'alla.

Zelos… This is my tribute to you. I doubt I said everything I wanted, or that it is anywhere near enough, but let me at least make the attempt. I'm sorry… for thus misunderstanding you… I'm sorry… for not giving you the respect you deserved. Despite everything I had predicted, despite all that I said about understanding people, I had never foreseen this. And I will always mourn for you…

I guess, like all authors, I would like to say, please R&R. …Except… this fic was written as a reminder to myself of a dear friend lost (even if he existed only in a game…) more than anything else. So I guess… as long as I'm satisfied with it, as long as it shows him, however non-existent he is in this world, that he mattered, it's enough… 


End file.
